Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
last night I used snow as a chaser
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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