Say something about gay babies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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