i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
