Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
