So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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