yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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