When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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