btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
