I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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