from now on my penis is your penis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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