I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
