i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
