I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's shark week go big or go home
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
