If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
