so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
