umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
