OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
