The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
its not stalking. its research.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
