my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
