She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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