the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
