we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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