Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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