haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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