Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
