Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
