nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
