I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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