I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
