Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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