I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
