I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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