i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
