My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
