She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
