oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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