I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
