Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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