new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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