I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
