I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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