12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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