college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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