I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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