Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
