he thought i was a dude.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
