Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
