He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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