Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
