Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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