Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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