Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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