Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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